You ever get those really, really peaceful, relaxed moments? You're walking around and you find yourself grinning stupidly like a fool despite circumstances?
Either way I happen to be in one of those moods. All the positive are voiding out all negative energy at the moment and it's so nice.
My second roommate is moving out now because she has an internship or something so for a short while it will be just me and Rachel. We'll be moving to the master bedroom after summer break. I'm happy as well because I talked to my dad and he's considering helping me move out of these blasted dorms/school apartments to go somewhere cheaper/better. Rachel said she will come with me which is great because then we can split the rent and such. Tomorrow we'll be driving around asking about apartments.
More happy things include; I can't believe I've held a long distance relationship for ... nine months now. I'm so happy too. Heh. Happy tears. That doesn't happen often. Though I don't tell him, I really can see a future with him. I can see myself living with him and it's so strange how I actually understand love now. This time last year, my past self would be looking at me like I'm a complete moron because frankly I get these stupid little urges to make Jonathan blush or see him smile or hear him laugh. It's so silly of me I know but I actually understand it now. It's great being able to say that. It really is. I swear our story is so ridiculous too. If we ever get married it's definitely going to be interesting explaining how we met. Heh... I can talk with him about so much, it's like he's my best friend but it's more than that. It really is. I tell him so much. We hardly fight or get angry with each other. When we do it's over something silly and it lasts five minutes because normally we're both just being tired grumpy people.
I have a computer and a family. A phone. I have a CLEAN KITCHEN which is great because again, it's clean and I can cook.~ I'm getting to go to Bronycon this year which I am so excited for. I have great friends who care about me and I //know// that they care. That feeling is so tremendous. It really is amazing. I'm in college and despite the loans I will have a degree and I'll get a job doing something I love. I'm part of something kinda big too. My group of friends and I are all working on a comic and I am so excited for it. Already we have people interested in local sales of this. It's amazing.
I've not had feels like this over my own life before. Everything is just... amazing and falling into place it seems.
I've waited for this my entire life. This wonderful, calm, happy feeling. I've always wanted, dreamed of simply being happy with what I have. I was such a negative person before. I was in such a terrible state and comparing that past me to me now is simply amazing. I don't know how I managed to get to this state that I presently am in. I really don't.
It's such a powerful thing feeling like this. I feel like I can do anything, be anyone, go anywhere. As cliche as that sounds it's so true. I love this. I've never felt this way until just now. 12AM about to sleep and suddenly all this powerful,strong and happy feelings surging, rushing into me like a tidal wave and filling me up and overflowing. It's soothing, powering, happy. I'm literally crying happily right now and it's so strange, I rarely cry. I cry when I get extremely angry. Sad movies don't really bother me much at all. But right now, I am nearly sobbing and smiling at the same time. I don't know how to react to this. It's ridiculous, silly, strange, new. I love it. It's an accomplishment being this happy with myself and my life compared to where I was only a couple years ago. It's so dramatic this change. I'm just so happy.
To my [new college] friends, you know who you are. I may not say it, but I love you guys. You're all so unique and even if I do get frustrated with you guys at times, you're all great, amazing friends. I really, really am happy that I met you guys. I really am. I'm so proud of us, of the comic and how you've all influenced me in some degree or another.